MAIN POINTS - Please keep an eye out for 4th person, the 31st person, the 51st person and the 21st person. Read on.
1. Arrest the fourth person in the car. It's he/she who attracts Corona. Indian government has allowed three people in a car which keeps them safe. It's the fourth who is a problem.
2. You can ride a two wheeler, and stay safe. Corona affects the pillion rider.
3. Only 30 persons in a bus. It is the 31st person who will bring Corona. Count very very carefully. But if the 31st person is driver and 32nd person a conductor, they are still safe. It is only the 31st passenger who everyone needs to be very wary of.
4. After 7 pm, Corona ventures out for Dracula-style walk and makes round of your streets, mohallas, townsquares and plazas till 7am. It is only when it sees the very punctual Mother Dairy Milk Supplies van that it hides for the next 12 hours. So do not venture out from 7 pm till 7 am.
5. If you carry liquor from shop, the very broadminded Corona won't mind. But if you sit in a bar and drink, you can end up invoking a very conservative side of Corona, it will catch you.
6. If you travel with pass between Zones, you won't get it. But it will hold on to you if you travel without a pass. It's a little finicky about documents and sarkari stamped paper with a QR code.
7. You won't get it, if you buy from vendor or shops. But it is waiting for you in the market.
It won't touch politicians and their cronies without mask. But if it happens to see a commoner without a mask, it will run to embrace him/her.
9. Weekdays par Corona school jaata hai. On Sundays, you don't venture out because Corona goes on a spreading spree. Corona ki Chinese Bat Mummy ne shuru se aadat dali huyee hai us ko Sunday ko khelne ki, aap ghar par hee rahen. Netflix par Contagion dekhen. Corona pargat hone par pooja karne ke need nahi hai, woh doosra serial hai jo Modi jee ne dobara chalaya hai.
10. It is very religious in nature and has been waiting in temples, mosques, gurdwaras and churches etc for weeks now. But it stays away from factories and industries. Kaamchor kism ka religious virus lagta hai.
11. Aap ko bataya hai ke bahut Conservative hai. It will surely catch you if you dine in hotels. Shareef baniye, ghar ka khana khaiye. YouTube par recipe dekh kar sarra-bhuna kuchh bhee banaiye, zayada problem hai to hotel se ja kar aaiye. You can wait there for an hour for your food to be prepared, Corona will only appreciate from a distance without bothering you.
12. Corona doesn't like elaborate marriages of very rich people who can invite N number of guests. But being conservative in nature, it appreciates if you keep the number of guests below 50. The 51st person is going to get it.
13. In a private in-camera meeting with Hardeep Puri, it has revealed its grudging respect for those who travel by air, so there is no need of quarantining if you criss cross the entire country N number of times. But if you drive in your own highly sanitised car from town A to town B, you will have to be quarantined. Being pro-federal in nature, it respects inter-state boundaries, so you can drive 300 kms inside a state but when you cross the border, it will get you unless you are quarantined. You can escape it by travelling by air and sitting in the middle seat.
14. If you die, you already know exactly how many people can attend your funeral. You can tie up with the 21st person for a Buy One Get One deal, as Corona will get him, no matter what. It's a Life & Death question for the virus, and the Government of India has decoded it.
Stay safe, use sanitiser and learn to live with Corona. Don't make too much noise about migrants. It will disturb Corona who's asleep in a centrally air conditioned room, but then you already know it.
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